Because there were questions still left unanswered.
Because life itself is a question to answer.
Sometimes we are closing our eyes not to get some sleep or to rest our fading mortal bodies but to ignore for a while the chained and unending difficulties in life, savoring the hurt and the pain that destiny brings.
You have tried not to cry and teardrops not to fell from your gloomy eyes but you've always failed.
You're wounded but you still have to suffer from these eternal trials. A wound that is painful than a dagger that was pricked in your flesh.
You have tried to deny the sorrowfulness by your loudest laugh, your fake smiles and your sweetest pretension but you cannot hide the heaviness within your heart. There were questions running through your bothered mind, questions that are endless and no infallible explanations. Though you'd like to scream and escape from this suffering but you feel helpless, you're like a prisoner lockup from a room of desperation and your dingy hands is handcuffed by laxness. You did all your best but all your best was useless, senseless; just like water in the palm of your hands you're seeing it but you're not really holding it.
Though you found no answers in staring blankly you're desperately still doing it, no amount of consolation or no words of encouragement from anybody can calm your disheartened feelings.
You cannot turn back the hands of time but what's the use of it if you have the power to do it? Where do I go from here? What will I do? For how long does this suffering will end? Do I have to go through this? Am I that sinner to deserve this kind of grief? Or is it the prize I have to pay for all my sin and silliness?
The so called light after the darkness were not there, you still haven't seen the sunlight of the morning, is the rainbow after the stormy rain were just a fiction? All you see is darkness, you are tired, your desperate mind is looking for answers and solutions. There were thoughts that your breath slowly leaving you. You're spiritless. Listless. Lifeless. But the people were not grieving for you but you are the one crying...crying for help, crying for luck, crying for miracle...from someone, from somebody.
The hurt, the suffering, the problems, the trials, the sorrowfulness and frustrations were part of our lives but who would like to be in this kind of negative aspects of life for forever? Ah, we just can't evade from it, it's like a wave striking the rocks of an ocean. Careless, merciless. There's no heart of stone in life's catastrophe, there's no brave man in destiny's challenge, there's no wise man in life's tangled moments, there's no steel that can't be melted, there's no strong man that can't be defeated.
How many times do we have to drown to realize that we're still on the waters?
How many times do we have to get wounded to realize that we're still not numbed?
How many times do we have to stumble to realize that we're still hurting?
How many times do we have to awaken by noises and troubles to realize that we ain’t have a peace of mind?
How many times do we have to experienced nightmares to realize that we're still sleeping?
How many times do we have to die to know the meaning and importance of life?
The memories that once brings you joy are now the one who haunts your loneliness, the songs that once your best friend are now the one who fuels your tears, the moments that once make you feel glee are now adds up to your desperation.
You've ever thought that it is better to live alone than to live with your loved ones but full of anguish and affliction?
You've ever thought that is better to have no hearing at all than to have ears but all you can hear is laments and grievances?
You've ever wish that you would forever be a child to ignore and feel the life's cruelty?
Where is the people you can count on this rough situation? Are they so busy with their own battle or they are enjoying the happiness?
Where is now your trusted and loyal friend? Are they so busy handling important things for you not to be remembered?
Where are the people you helped when they are in deep trouble? Are they not ready yet to comfort you now you're in distress?
Where are the proud people who always offer help in case you're in ordeal? I should not be asking 'coz they're too busy for being proud...
You cannot even trust yourself because your mind has a cloud of doubts that you cannot even separate the right things from the wrong.
Oh Lord, YOU are the only one left that can be hoped and trusted.
And we know it saddens YOU that we only think of YOU when our life is in disarray and full of troubles. But still YOU are willing to accept and forgive us despite of these.
Lord, YOU are so good and we did not deserve Your kindness.
For the nth time, I know YOU will save me from all these troubles; YOU will answer all my prayers.
Tomorrow, when the problem solves and the sufferings subside.
I am breaking my vow; I am breaking my promise... as I always had.