i am a sinner...

No man is perfect and we are born to be sinner
we always say we're just human to commit sin, we are weak,
but it becomes an excuse and justification for some to repeatedly committed the same mistake, the same sins
we are blind, deaf, mute and emotionless towards the feelings of others,
the world we live in and we don't even know we become a part of it
hopeless for some who is drowned by power
hapless for those who is unfortunate ones...

I am controlling my patience but can't deal with provocations
I try to be composed but my stubbornness always gives in
I sometimes show my confidence but enviousness always has a room
I am telling the truth but can not hide all the lies

I know the right from wrong but i always committed mistakes
I know what is good from bad but i allow myself to be unholy

I learned that judgmental isn't that nice but i criticize for the sake of fake smiles
I try to keep my inner modesty but my boastful side always shows
I always wanted to be alone but it is a sign of being selfish
I try to be friendly but i know that is not me

I keep on smiling to hide all the hatred
I keep on joking to disguise the disgustedness

I ain't want any anger but it always did not happen
they can see the beauty of one thing but i see it in different way
I know that there's somebody who's ahead of me but i wanted to finish first
I know that i have some but i wanted to have more

I am searching for understanding but i found some grievances
I am looking for some kindness but obstacles always on my path

If boredom is a sin then again i would be guilty of it
If irk is a crime aha i have killed some
If bad words makes me feel sick i think i am now dying
If my sinful eyes makes people dirty maybe i showered some with a mud

I try to be honest but i utter some words that is untrue
I think I'm well educated but i always have a damned mind

I have some achievements but insecurities skillfully finds a space
I am sometimes appreciative but i see flaws from the deed
I satisfy myself with what i have but feel of dismay comes through
I have trust and faith as always but betrayal makes me feel weak

I try to discern and be concern on conflicts that arises but it always resulted to my recklessness
I am sharing my love and caresses but i feel somehow something's missing

I seldom give some to be called generous but why do i crave for something in return
I respect and give my admiration but it's not enough to hide some aversion
I try to understand the wicked ones but i also asks am i being one
I am praying and asking for forgiveness but temptation desperately seek my weaknesses

I am not a writer but i made-up some stories
am not a teacher but conceited and pretended to say that: "i know everything"
I am not a preacher but i have served many sermons
I am not a compass but thinks that i know all the directions

I am asking for forgiveness for all my sins
to solve the problems and all the sufferings but...
am I worthy enough to receive this forgiveness?
am I worthy enough to receive the blessings?
I am now pleading, i am now weeping, I am now sobbing
but tomorrow when the problem solves and the sufferings subside
I am breaking my vow, I am breaking my promise... as I always had.